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The Borowitz Report-Trump Commands World Not to Watch ABC at 11:30 Tonight
Trump Commands World Not to Watch ABC at 11:30 Tonight
— eugene (@eugene290390.bsky.social) 2025-09-23T21:07:27.913Z
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-commands-world-not-to-watch
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a threat-laden speech to the United Nations General Assembly, Donald Trump commanded the entire population of planet Earth not to watch ABC at 11:30 Tuesday night.
“There is no one with any talent on ABC at 11:30,” Trump declared. “But if you defy me and watch, you are going straight to Hell.”
Trump was vague about the repercussions that would befall people who watch ABC at 11:30, but added, “It will do even greater damage than Tylenol.”
Closing his meandering speech with one final reminder, Trump declared, “That’s 10:30 Central Time.”
“There is no one with any talent on ABC at 11:30,” Trump declared. “But if you defy me and watch, you are going straight to Hell.”
Trump was vague about the repercussions that would befall people who watch ABC at 11:30, but added, “It will do even greater damage than Tylenol.”
Closing his meandering speech with one final reminder, Trump declared, “That’s 10:30 Central Time.”