My arch-conservative uncle strikes again

[gulliver]

(Satire)

We were all just sitting there talking about movies and music and sports, and my uncle has to jump in. Typical.

He actually said, "Women need to be much more modest. They need to listen to their husbands and fathers."

So, I came back with, "No, women should be able to wear whatever they want to wear. And they are equals."

He glared at me. We've never gotten along.

Later, we were talking about a gay celebrity. And, of course, he comes out with "Homosexuality should be outlawed and severely punished."

And I said, "No, people should be allowed to be attracted to whoever they are attracted to, as long as they are adults."

He glared at me. We've never gotten along.

We finally got into politics, normally my favorite subject. But he ruined it of course. He's very religious.

I said, "I love the Constitution. And I love democracy. It lets the people decide how we govern ourselves."

He comes back with, "As long as what the people decide is approved by religious leaders. They have to run things, because only they know what things are right and wrong."

"Nope," I said. "I have the right to not care what your religion thinks is right and wrong."

He glared at me. We've never gotten along.

[MarineCombatEngineer]

1. Excellent comebacks.

It seems every family has a black sheep type in it.

[Polybius]

2. There are two types of super conservative old men

The 1st kind want women to dress more modest, and complain about Olympic women's beach volleyball tiny bikinis. The 2nd kind are on the perverted side, and like what they see, especially at the beach.

I'd argue that the 1st kind are far worse.

[LisaM]

6. I think those are actually the public and hidden persona of the same guy.

It's always the ones who gripe the most about modesty who are the biggest gawkers and voyeurs. The problem is that the two personalities hate each other.

[Jack Valentino]

40. There is a 3rd kind---- those who are really the 2nd kind, but pretend that

they are the first kind.....


(and they might realistically outnumber the first two kinds)

[BOSSHOG]

3. Oh your uncle and all like him

Truly love living in the LAND OF THE FREE. They wouldn’t survive elsewhere.

An aside. I was perusing my new Vietnam Veterans Memorial Calendar this morning. Each month highlights a different Veteran killed in action. One was a female Army Nurse. Fuck your uncle and all assholes like him.

I Am an old Uncle, freedom loving life of the party. As long as my knees hold out.

[Permanut]

32. Here's to your knees!

[BootOutTheGoons]

4. I'll remember this the next time you attack trans women

Which I'm sure is coming in 3... 2... 1...

[Historic NY]

5. Sounds like he would like Sharia Law

[spooky3]

29. I'd be offering to help pay for a one way ticket to a country where

People share his views.

[Jack Valentino]

41. (as long as no one tells him it is actually Sharia law, because 'muslims bad' )

[Martin68]

7. Good for you for your straight talk and no-nonsense reactions to his neanderthal opinions.

[NoMoreRepugs]

8. Freedom FROM religion is why America was what it was prior to the

arrival of trumpism and the rise of the ignorant Deplorable mob.

[AZ8theist]

35. OH how they mocked Hillary for calling them a "basket of deplorables.."

She was spot on.

[Evolve Dammit]

38. She was being polite. It was/is way worse

[Old Crank]

9. The religions of the god of Abraham

can"t get along. Just look at the thousands of years of fighting. Just look at the number of Christian ect in the US that can"t get along.

As for a religious state and laws its okay until it isn"t your sect in charge.

[lastlib]

26. A quote I have been fond of:

"Men have killed each other and cut each other's throats over what was to become of them after their throats have been cut." --Judge Walter Parker Stacy.

THIS is why whe have separation of church and state.

[JHB]

10. It's high time to stop mincing words. There's nothing conservative about "arch-conservatives".

They are Right Wingers, pure and simple. There's no need to use a term that pretends there's a difference.

[lastlib]

28. IOW, fascists.

Plain and simple.

[spooky3]

30. Yes, or reactionaries nt

[Dan]

11. Ain't no fool like a old fool.

[MLWR]

13. " They have to run things, because only they know what things are right and wrong."

Like those Catholic priests who sexually abused all those children??? Is that what said "uncle" is refering to?

[Dear_Prudence]

14. Brave!

It is sometimes hard to come back in a family situation where our roles are ingrained from a tender age. I recommend an occasional response of a soft laugh, encompassing others present, with the disbelieving comment of, " Oh my, Uncle, how quaint!" 😆

[BradBo]

15. I told my only personal MAGA friend to fuck and hes long gone.

But my few MAGA relatives and my wife’s friends and relatives whom are MAGA I tolerate them.
I told my wife I will not have personal friends of mine whom are MAGA.

[AZLD4Candidate]

16. I can honestly say my uncle, a navy veteran, is more out in left field than I am and I am in the left field parking lot

My sincere condolences.

I am my family's conservative and Bernie/AOC are to the right of me.

[hamsterjill]

17. Don't hold me to this with regard to Fugelsang's book, but I think it's attributed to him.

Last edited Thu Jan 1, 2026, 02:04 PM - Edit history (1)

I got the book as Christmas present and I can't wait to read it. But holiday schedules have been busy, and I've yet to sit down to read it.

I heard something the other day that I believe is attributed to this book, but full disclosure, since I've not read it yet, I could be wrong. Either way, the explanation was profound and real.

I am a Christian. But I certainly recognize what the Bible is and what it is not. It is NOT what it started out being because every MAN in power through the ages has changed meanings within the scriptures to justify his positions.

"Modesty" is not about dressing conservatively - at least not in the sense that we've been lead to believe for centuries. It's not about covering up hair, or boobs or body parts.

It is about having grace for people who are less fortunate. Modesty was something that was expected of rich women in church. They were not to flaunt their wealth in front of poorer women of faith.

That makes sense to me.

Tell your sonofabitch of an uncle to glare all he wants. He's wrong.

[JohnnyRingo]

18. Did he mean he seeks the approval of Muslim religious leaders?

Buddhists? Maybe he wants to consult with the Jehovah's Witnesses next time they show up at his door? I myself usually go with the Rastafarians on many issues.

See the problem with that belief?

[Ping Tung]

19. A good response...

[homegirl]

21. Thank you for

these very wise words.

[Ping Tung]

33. I endeavor to please.

[AllaN01Bear]

20. hem. he has never heard of sep of church and state b4 ?

and yes i am christian and i do the walk.

[AllaN01Bear]

22. i would have gone off on unc saying this is neither a christian or religious country.

[fujiyamasan]

23. It sounds like he'd be more comfortable in Iran or Saudi Arabia

[Ilsa]

24. Religious leaders have to run things?

It would be too stressful for me to be around him. I give you lots of praise for your patience and tolerance.

Ask him to move to a ME nation run by an ayatollah.

Oh, wrong religion? Which one, then? What denomination or branch?

[Trueblue1968]

25. He is a mean man

[rurallib]

27. "As long as what the people decide is approved by religious leaders" - like the Taliban?

just for starters

[TlalocW]

31. We never talk politics at family holidays, and I helped reinforce that unwritten rule one Xmas

Brother-in-law's step-dad is a conservative holy-roller. One year as I was dozing from a food coma, he approached me with a smug smile and said something to challenge the liberal. I don't quite remember what, but I knew what he was talking about, how he got it wrong (not just the lie, but how it just wasn't possible), and even the Fox news person who started it. I methodically explained it all to him, his smugness disappearing, and I ended with, "Is there any more ignorance you'd like me to disabuse you of?" He actually went into the kitchen to tattle on me to my sister (who is just as conservative and religious as he is), and she got on him for trying to start something as well as trying it on the nerd who reads about politics all day

[Johonny]

34. He sounds like a closeted flamboyant gay man

Dying to visit his local rectory for some quality religious time with the priests... but that's just how he sounds.

[HallieBaBa]

36. I don't

get along with him either.

[MLAA]

37. Well done, how does one get an invite to the next family get together? I'd like to sit in the peanut gallery and cheer

(not that you needed any support) so maybe I’d just update the score card.

[Skittles]

39. he sounds mentally deficient

seriously

[happy feet]

42. Nicely done

[barbtries]

43. it's like a dream.

not so much satire. Lately I've had a recurring fantasy conversation with my magat brother (we don't actually talk anymore, it's a de facto estrangement), and I say, "Are all people human?" and it stops him dead in his brainwashed tracks. In my fantasy he takes the question seriously and wonders if he's been approaching this wrongly. He begins to emerge from whatever spell he's been under for the past 30 or so years.

but like the uncle in the OP, he would just glare at me and say, "hmph." Cause that's how he ends any conversation when the facts don't align with his "reality."

So, I'll probably never actually say it to him. But ya never know

[maxsolomon]

44. How old is this man?

It's hard to believe someone would say those things out loud.

[MustLoveBeagles]

45. I'm sorry you have that kind of relationship with your uncle

I glad you stood up to him.