Stop saying "single mothers"

[CousinIT]

This illustrates how the language of our most often sexist and anti-woman, slut-and responsibility-shaming society demonizes women.

[3catwoman3]

1. Excellent point.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

2. Single moms are single for all sorts of reasons, and just because she's a "single mom" doesn't mean the dad isn't in the

picture. Not sure what this accomplishes.

[Skittles]

6. pointing out sexism doesn't mean you "hate men"

you're giving yourself away

[Skittles]

11. LOL

sure, bro

[Aristus]

43. Fox News, Newsmax, et al, will never be able to teach them subtlety, will they?

n/t

[Skittles]

46. they can't help themselves

"all lives matters" (uh huh)
"Democrat party"
"feminists hate men"
endless whataboutism

they have zero clue, the sheer transparency of their silly talking points

[Aristus]

49. Too bad they bounced before you could kick their asses!

[Skittles]

52. I do enjoy taunting some of them

others bore me very quickly

[Quiet Em]

15. It's referring to absentee fathers.

I don't think anyone considers a deceased father or mother to be an absentee mother or father.

[CousinIT]

33. THIS. Exactly. n/t

[LuvLoogie]

79. It still centers the male role or lack there of.

The single mother status, identifier, indicates the challenges she faces regardless of why she's single. As a society we should have empathy for that and lend a hand accordingly as a member of the village.

Yes we need to hold men accountable, but why give in to the single mother stigma hoisted upon them and their children? The challenges are there whether through bad choices, good choices, or circumstances beyond their control.

Men need to own their own baggage regardless of a given woman's situation. The OP perpetuates an adversarial tack and still ties the woman's status to the actions of a man.

We need to stay invested beyond the shorthand identifiers and have time and emotional energy for the individuals.

[Quiet Em]

12. Single mother, single father, single parent in my understanding has always been meant as the sole parent

Perhaps because they are widowed, or for whatever reason they and the child/children do not have any relationship with the other parent.

If Dad or Mom are in the picture with the parent who has custody of the children they are co-parents, not single parents.

Single means the only, the sole, parent.

[Skittles]

27. I don't see it that way

to me a "single mother" simply means the partner isn't physically available.....by divorce, widowhood or desertion

a tough job no matter what

[Bluejeans]

3. My father - a Dad, Grandpa and Great-Grandpa - used to ask a "drop-dead question"....

My father - a Dad, Grandpa and Great-Grandpa - used to ask a "drop-dead question"....

Where are the IMPREGNATORS!"

There's a loaded question for those absentee fathers, I mean, "impregnators"!

[Skittles]

5. divorced dads are only a "problem" if they don't help to support their child

"staying together for the sake of the kids" is often way, way worse for them than divorce

[silverweb]

73. I can't un-alert this post.

Accidentally hit "alert" & it stays yellow no matter what I do. How can I turn it off??

[Skittles]

80. HEH

honestly, I would not know but it did give me a chuckle

[silverweb]

111. I'm glad for that!

I was afraid an "alert" might set the staff police on you. If they do check in on you for the alert, just blame it on me.

[Seinan Sensei]

7. This is akin to saying "bastard child"

There’s no such thing.
There ARE “bastard parents,” however

[Skittles]

9. or "illegitimate"

WTF, all babies are LEGITIMATE

[Renew Deal]

8. Doesn't this assume the father had a choice?

I know multiple current cases where a parent died. It’s tragic.

[CousinIT]

29. In those cases, the single parent is referred to as a "widow" or "widower", not a "single mother"

People in this thread know that, but they are pulling in other terms in the interest of defense. And it just doesn't fly.

[Renew Deal]

34. A "widow" doesn't describe a person with a child.

The image in the OP is language parsing rage bait that most reasonable people would disagree with and is meant to divide people. It has no useful value beyond that.

[stopdiggin]

101. actually, no. 'single mother' is a broad and encompassing term

applied in a whole variety of circumstance. Just is.

[calimary]

14. Damn straight!!!

Here’s to giving the blame where the blame is due.

[Doodley]

81. Are you claiming that every time there is a single mother, it is because a man is to blame?

[calimary]

96. No.

There are many reasons why couples split up. Things don’t work out, sometimes.

But I’ve rarely seen a case in which the dad take custody of the kids. The primary adult caretaking always seems to fall to the mother. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I personally haven’t seen any.

[Doodley]

97. As of 2024-2025, there are approximately 3.3 million to 7.4 million families with a single father in the U.S.

As of 2024–2025, there are approximately 3.3 million to 7.4 million families with a single father in the U.S., depending on whether the definition includes cohabiting partners or only households with no spouse/partner present. Single fathers represent about 8% of all households with minor children, up from just over 1% in 1960.

https://allprodad.com/single-dads-its-a-small-club-right/

[Doodley]

98. As of 2024-2025, there are approximately 3.3 million to 7.4 million families with a single father in the U.S.

As of 2024–2025, there are approximately 3.3 million to 7.4 million families with a single father in the U.S., depending on whether the definition includes cohabiting partners or only households with no spouse/partner present. Single fathers represent about 8% of all households with minor children, up from just over 1% in 1960.

https://allprodad.com/single-dads-its-a-small-club-right/

[calimary]

99. Good to know!

Thanks for the details.

[NH Ethylene]

16. Absolutely not.

Single mothers OR fathers should just be called single parents.

Neither parent should be automatically deemed a problem when the parents split up.

There are plenty of fathers who are very involved in parenting even if they are not living with them any longer, and there are plenty of fathers who pay child support. And there are plenty of mothers who wear the 'single mother' badge as a source of pride and as a sign of strength and perseverance.

People who say 'single mother' with disdain should be completely disregarded. MAGA 'values' should not drive our paths or our language.

[B.See]

112. Exactly. The malevolent MAGA minded use

the term with intent to demean, but I never thought of it as a pejorative. On the contrary, in my mind it only elevated the single parent for taking on the job singlehandedly. A dedication, imo, worthy of praise.

[stopdiggin]

17. if the term 'single mother' is shallow, 'targeting' and singularly undescriptive ...

the assumption that the sole (or even overwhelmingly likely) reason for it lies in a male/father - that self evidently bailed ....

Is equally shallow - vapid - and, yes, defamatory.

This meme is not nearly the 'own' that some apparently thought ...

[Quiet Em]

18. absentee was the key word. If a parent, a Mom or Dad is absentee

than they are not involved.

Single in this meaning is not a relationship status, it's an indication of being the sole or only parent.

[stopdiggin]

23. how about a person that is serving in the military

been involuntarily deported - or perhaps incarcerated .. ? (or any one of ten other different circumstances - including the 'biological' that was never informed and/or invited to participate)

You're still making a boatload of assumptions - and casting aspersion without good evidence.
It remains just too simplistic - and just not a great argument. (in my humble opinion)

[Quiet Em]

24. If both parents are active and not absentee in their children's lives

then they are co-parents, not single parents.

Serving in the military, being deported, or being incarcerated does not prevent one from being involved in the lives of their children. Perhaps it could do so financially, but not emotionally.

Absentee means completely absent. Not present at all. Not involved at all. Not a part of.

[stopdiggin]

25. assumptions - accompanied by narrowing and restricted definition ....

none of which appear in the original.
(which is why it received the knock in the first place - or at least that coming from this direction.)

For what it's worth - and in effort to calm the waters.
In the narrow construction in which you choose to frame this - general agreement and support. And further, I don't think anyone on this panel has too much problem with giving dead-beat dads (or mothers) the rousing kick in the shorts that they deserve. But - that too ... Kinda' goes without saying. Yeah?

[AZJonnie]

28. But the OP headline and text of the meme are making no such distinctions

The logical reading is that the phenomenon of "single mothers" (something we should stop saying, not conditionally, but entirely) only arises because of "absentee fathers".

What you seem to me to be arguing is that the message should had been more clear. Which is the same as what everyone who's arguing against this meme is also arguing.

[BeneteauBum]

19. I am a single father

Thirty three years ago, I couldn’t no longer stand the abuse directed at me and my three daughters. Took the mother to court and, after 3 1/2 years, was awarded custody. My two oldest are 47 now with wonderful families. The youngest will be 36 soon and is a happily married parent.

I was always proud to be a single dad with three daughters. Many people I encountered along the way were amazed that I took on the responsibility. My Dad was of the opinion that.saved the kids……and I’m still single.
So when the moniker ‘single parent’ is used, I have a great deal of respect for the responsibility that person has accepted. Pay it forward.

Peace ☮️

[BeneteauBum]

56. I agree.

I have several friends that decided not to have children. They are wonderful, intelligent, and relatively carefree people. They also currently lead a sailing life like myself.

The mother was an abusive alcoholic. Over the years, I have portrayed her alcoholism to the kids as a sickness and encouraged them to maintain a relationship. They have accepted my encouragement although the early scars are still evident as the girls still retain a certain wariness about their mother. Time has ameliorated the relationship somewhat and they see each other from time to time. Their mother has now been alcohol free for thirty years…….that was a tough journey for her.

Peace ☮️

[BeneteauBum]

63. Denying the alcoholism and losing custody was a big wake up call.

Since grandkids started to arrive thirteen years ago, the mother has been diligent with present a positive persona. I applaud her for that……though she still has her ‘WHAT?’ moments.

Thanks for the support…..I’ve been sailing since the youngest moved out on her own over 17 years ago. A good way to let go of all the little things.

Peace ☮️

[Doodley]

20. And if the father died? And if the father isn't the one responsible for the breakup in the relationship? This looks

like more man-hating in my opinion.

[CousinIT]

30. If the father died, she's called a "widow", not a single mother. But you know that. n/t

[Doodley]

36. Okay so my mother wasn't a single parent after all. Glad you put me straight.

[obamanut2012]

40. She was widowed, she wasn't single

[Doodley]

83. My mother didn't want to go round telling people she was a widow. It isn't for you or

anyone else to tell my mother how she should have identified herself.

[JI7]

55. What if she wasn't married to him ?

[Doodley]

85. The label police will decide what she should be called.

[FascismIsDeath]

84. No, she is called both widow AND single mother. Its common lexicon for all the situations.

This is so absurd. Are you really this out of touch with the way normal folks... right, left and center, in English speaking countries, talk?

[Doodley]

88. Thank you for saying that. This fixation on labels is absurd.

[obamanut2012]

39. It isn't "man hating" -- just stop

Realize how you are part of teh problem by saying that.

[Scrivener7]

78. .

[littlemissmartypants]

21. Sometimes, single women are mothers by choice. Wouldn't they indeed be "single mothers?"

[Quiet Em]

22. Yes, they are single mothers by choice

But many other single parents are single parents not by choice.

Single mothers draw a lot of negative connotation. Single fathers, not as much. I believe that is the point.

[CousinIT]

31. Exactly. Single mothers (even if it's a choice) are looked upon with derision.

Whereas single fathers are marveled at and respected.

The reasons don't matter. That's just the way our society is.

[PatSeg]

47. Good point

And I've known some "single fathers" who received a great deal of sympathy and compassion for raising kids on their own, while the "single mothers" were often looked down upon and even discriminated against in the workforce.

I once had a male co-worker who was doing the same job I did. We both had equal experience, but he was paid considerably more than me. My boss justified the wage disparity because Joe* was married and I wasn't. But Joe had no children and his wife worked fulltime in the same business, whereas I was raising a small child on my own.

Joe made a lot of mistakes and didn't last very long. He didn't have to try harder, because he was a guy. Meanwhile, I was dirt poor and struggling. I saw such things happen over and over again.


* I don't recall his name anymore, but "Joe" sounds close enough.

[Doodley]

38. Because somebody somewhere will be offended.

[obamanut2012]

41. Who will be offended?

[Doodley]

89. Would you be offended?

[Iggo]

106. Sometimes they're single because they're not married...like everybody else who's single...lol.

[littlemissmartypants]

107. Exactly. As opposed to...

Being a mother abandoned by anyone and "forced" to raise a child alone.

Motherhood doesn't have to revolve around attachment to another person by marriage or otherwise.

To insist that someone not be called a single mother, especially if it is the woman's conscious choice, is an insult to their right to bodily autonomy.

It's not the word choice that is inherently insulting. It's the attitude attached to the word choice that is.

[Abolishinist]

26. Wowzer. We live in an anti-woman, slut-and responsibility-shaming

society which demonizes women. Let's change "single mothers" to "children of absentee fathers".

And we wonder why we lose elections.

[CousinIT]

32. We do...

... live in an anti-woman, slut-and responsibility-shaming society that demonizes women. And with that, I wonder how we win elections.

[FascismIsDeath]

87. This kind of stuff is definitely a big reason that people get turned off from our side.

Some of us just sit around and dream up some phony scenario and pretend its offensive and then try to police the language of others. Its a distraction. It helps no one. It isn't even remotely legitimate. More of us need to push back on this kind of nonsense when we see it.

There is definitely a lot of sexism against women in this country, VALID sexism, we should spend our energy on those things instead of manufacturing outrage over language that is painfully, obviously, neutral.

[Doodley]

90. The outrage over labels is one reason we lose elections.

[quinteroon]

35. I do think people

put the onus and scorn on the female raising the child alone. However, it's also a way of showing the burden she has. It's only a negative term if you view it that way.

[Doodley]

37. Agreed. And a man bringing up children on his own is also a single parent.

[obamanut2012]

42. Woman, not female

[quinteroon]

45. Excuse me?

I didn't say anything that was erroneous. Merriam-Webster definition of female:
"of, relating to, or being the sex that typically has the capacity to bear young or produce eggs"

Why the correction? Not all single mothers are adult women. I do not refer to adult women as females, if that was your concern.

[Doodley]

91. How ever hard we try, there's always somebody who will be offended.

[hunter]

64. Men who fear women frequently use the word "female" which is not so scary to them as "woman.".

I'm not saying you use it that way but the pattern is fairly obvious once you notice it.

[Doodley]

93. Is the word "male" on the banned list too?

[stopdiggin]

100. you're correct (even if perhaps preaching to the wrong congregation)

because some of this stuff, indeed - just becomes a little bit silly.
(and we DO lose points - and terrain - when we become impossible - or, perhaps better put, just extremely annoying and difficult - to talk to.)

[radicalleft]

44. This thread did not disapoint...

[dave99]

48. There is no 'single' One is either a mother or not. One is a father or not. BUT Republicans LOVE the Blame Game.

[ZDU]

51. Hear, hear!

Thank you. Powerfully educational... I
sincerely thank you and will change my words.

[Jedi Guy]

53. And yet "single mother" is accurate regardless of the reason they are raising a child or children alone.

Just as "single father" is accurate when a man is raising a child or children alone regardless of the reason he is single.

Your post assumes the weight of animosity that, frankly, is hardly ever there when I hear the term "single mother" used. In most cases I see single mothers lionized as heroes because they're doing the work of two people alone, arguably some of the most difficult, emotionally exhausting (and rewarding) work a human being can undertake. And I'm not going to argue that they shouldn't be lionized. I'm not (and never will be) a parent but I can at least conceptualize how awesomely difficult the task of raising a child can be.

This post strikes me as a solution in search of a problem, frankly. If one hears a single mother described as such with scorn or derision, by all means, push back on that nonsense. If they're not spoken of in that way then nothing need be said at all unless one chooses to agree.

That seems to me a more reasonable approach than demanding that we stop using specific but accurate words to describe someone.

[Sparkly]

59. I'm glad to read your post

I was afraid there's a new - or revived - social stigma. I agree that single parents should be admired! It is tough work.

I wonder if the social stigma from the rightwing isn't class-based, and racist, as well. There is a belief that urban (read "Black&quot women choose to have children in order to receive "freebies," as if that creates a life of luxury in the inner city.

(I confess, I've caught myself feeling perplexed and resentful toward a few very young southern white women I encountered who chose to get pregnant without jobs or future prospects of any kind. I still need to remind myself not to judge sometimes.)

[Doodley]

94. Thank you for saying so. This is like a page out of 1984.

[Sparkly]

54. I think it's the insinuation of "shame" that needs to change ...

First, I'm not disagreeing with you that the sexism probably persists. It's pretty shocking to me that it does, but we've gone so far backward. The idea that a parent raising a child/children singlehandedly should feel anything but great pride is crazy, though!!

Second, single or unmarried doesn't necessarily mean alone. There are lots of different kinds of stable, loving families.There are also a range of reasons (biological) fathers might not be present in their lives.

Third, both points apply to genders equally. It's just that the more likely circumstance is that women care for children.

[deurbano]

75. I was a single teen mom, and I wouldn't have wanted my daughter's status to be linked to her very absentee (in our case)

father. As you said, it's the stigma that needs to change (and it has certainly changed a lot since I had my daughter in 1973).. not necessarily the language. (Of course, when there is absentee behavior, that needs to change, too!)

[popsdenver]

57. How about Single Parent??????? NC

[Unrepentant Fenian]

61. Isn't the father also a single father???

[JI7]

62. There is nothing wrong with the term. It is not seen as negative

by most people. And if anything it's viewed more positively than negatively.

[CozyMystery]

65. Truly, I have never heard anyone shame single mothers.

But if you are really concerned, instead of worrying about verbiage by making the term politically incorrect, how about finding a way to help them?

Just off the top of my head, I can think of lots of ways, including those that cost time and effort, and no money.

[love_katz]

68. Thank you, CousinIT, for standing up for women, and being willing to bring up challenges to the status quo.

Throughout my life, I have read comments by people who attack women for being single mothers. I remember various politicians blaming single moms for just about every social ill that there is. And the endless fundy fanatic preachers shaming single moms, as if they got pregnant all by themselves. These kinds of screeds seemed to ramp up throughout the 1970's and went onto steroids in the 1980's.
All of this vile bilge is based on hatred of women and a desire to control every aspect of our bodies and lives. It also exposes the lies about the rethug party being pro-child and the party of "family values ".
If we had a society that was really based on equality and caring for children and families, we would have equal pay/opportunities so that women and their children would not make up the majority of people living in poverty. And, yes, equal pay/opportunities would benefit single fathers as well.
What gets me is how few men understand that women wouldn't need to "take them to the cleaners " through the courts if we could get decent jobs with livable wages, and that affordable child care benefits everyone. The big reason that having and raising children is such a mess is due largely to society's expectation that women should marry to earn a living rather than being given real power over our lives through equal pay/opportunities.
Sorry for the rant. Thanks for your posts.

[Maru Kitteh]

69. Why does mom have a colostomy bag that she's wearing outside her

clothing for some reason and under a pointed bit of metal on her belt buckle? I can’t see anything else, sorry. I’m a nurse and that is just ODD.

[betsuni]

76. I was wondering what that was. Now I have to wonder why it's in the illustration...

[Sympthsical]

103. I should've scrolled down

Before replying.

It was the first thing I noticed, and I have so many questions . . . is it intentional? AI? If intentional, why under a sharp belt buckle? If AI, why did it think a colostomy bag needed to be here?

What is happening?!

[littlemissmartypants]

109. Because the image is most likely AI slop.

[flvegan]

70. So I can't say "single mother" anymore or

just when referencing children. No more "children of single mothers" is now "children of absentee fathers" per the drawing, okay. But what if I'm just referring to the woman, herself? So if I'm making a case for free daycare, advocating for "single moms" what should I call them? "Women with child but not the rat bastard sperm donor" or "woman who made good post-child decision and rid her life of that male scum" or???

[Abolishinist]

86. "woman who made good post-child decision and rid her life of that male scum"

That's a good start! And by the way, a very good pathway to increase male support for the Democratic Party.

After all, we are the BIG TENT party!

[Doodley]

95. You illustrate the absurdity perfectly! And how are the children supposed to feel with those labels?

[Gore1FL]

71. I never thought of the term as sexist, anti-woman, or slut before this thread. nt

[Polybius]

72. I still don't think it is n/t

[valleyrogue]

74. They are still "single mothers." They aren't married to the dad and they have children.

There is nothing "anti-woman" about it. It is a statement of fact. "Single fathers" are the same thing.

That is a lot better than the vile term "broken homes."

If people want to complain, they need to complain about THAT.

[MLAA]

77. Right on!

[FascismIsDeath]

82. There is not one microscopic drop of sexism, demonization or anything anti-woman about the term "single mother".

Also, "single father" is a thing.

My grandmother adopted me and became my mother. My step grandfather died when I was 9. She was a SINGLE MOTHER.

There is plenty of real shit that is legitimately offensive. This isn't one of them. Stop making stuff up. This kind of nonsense is part of the reason that liberals/progressives/Democrats turn people off. If my eyes could roll out of my head, they'd be rolling around on the floor right now.

[Abolishinist]

92. Thank you, very well said.

[Sympthsical]

102. This feels like building a useless gate

So that one might find joy in the keeping.

Do we truly have nothing else going on?

Also . . . why . . . why does she have a colostomy bag? I'm not saying a maternal figure of ambiguous relationship status can't have a colostomy bag - many people do for a myriad of reasons. But why with that outfit? And that made me look at the belt buckle which looks like Gumby wrestling with The Scream painting.

I have so many questions about the choices being made in all this.

[Abolishinist]

110. I have no doubt that at this very moment a cogent response

to your reply is being formulated. Be patient.

[Mike Niendorff]

104. Um, no.

You're actually assuming a lot about a situation when you start broadly tacking on negative labels like 'absentee fathers'.

Seriously, how would you know any of this just by looking at the words "single" and "mother"?

Single people can share parental responsiblities, I know lots who do.

Same for divorced people, male or female.

And do I really need to mention that some single parents have actually lost their partner? Fathers die, mothers die, it happens.

Also: adoption and IVF. These exist too.

How about we just treat everyone with respect and decency.


MDN

[Iggo]

105. There's nothing wrong with "single mothers."

It’s not a derogatory term. It’s merely descriptive. If you think “single mother” is an insult, the problem might be with you.

My mom was a single mother, and she was proud of it. And I was proud of her for it. And nobody “stayed” or “left.” My dad only “left” because they got divorced. And he was a weekend dad for the rest of our childhoods. Nobody got abandoned. Not my mom. Not her children.

I think someone’s trying way too hard to turn this into a “homicide bomber” moment. It’s unnecessary.

Now let’s talk about “welfare recipients”…lol.