The Borowitz Report: Man Who Fell Asleep at Pope's Funeral was Already Going to Hell, Says God

[FakeNoose]

Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/man-who-fell-asleep-at-popes-funeral

ROME (The Borowitz Report)—A man who fell asleep during Pope Francis’s funeral was “already going to Hell,” God clarified on Sunday.

Although snoozing during the pontiff’s funeral was “beyond rude,” the Almighty said that the man clinched his place in the netherworld “decades ago.”

“If I hadn’t already made up My mind, the last hundred days would have made him a slam dunk for eternal damnation,” He said. “I mean, deporting a two-year-old? Come on.”

The Heavenly Father said the man’s decision to wear a blue suit at the funeral “wasn’t a factor” in his going to Hell, but was nevertheless “incredibly assholic.”

In another observation from the funeral, God noted, “Interestingly, Sleepy Joe Biden managed to stay awake.”

- short article, no more at link -

Melania is dozing off too, but nobody noticed that.

Flights from DC to Rome are what ... 12 hours? Something like that. I'm certain that Chump didn't come a day early and allow for a jet-lag day to catch up on his sleep. He never does. Why did he bother to come at all?

[spooky3]

1. Air Force One has comfortable sleeping quarters and bathrooms.

It would be far easier to sleep on the way than on commercial flights. He has no excuse!

[Blue Owl]

2. No need to delay, Lord

Send him to hell NOW