I just got a sympathy card from my vet's office

[MIButterfly]

signed by the vet and the staff of that day. Among other things, the vet wrote "it was so clear how much you loved her" and "you gave her a long life filled with love and happiness and she was lucky to have you."

No, I was the lucky one. My wonderful Holly. I miss her so much. Now I have to go cry some more.

I'm sorry for any and all typos. I don't type very well and it's twice as hard through tears.

[Quiet Em]

1. I'm so very sorry for your loss of your beloved Holly

[MIButterfly]

2. Thank you Quiet Em

[area51]

3. I'm sorry for your loss.

[MIButterfly]

4. Thank you, area51

[Laurelin]

5. I'm so sorry

I know how hard it is. I know you were the lucky one, but so was Holly 💔

[MIButterfly]

13. Thank you, Laurelin

[lapucelle]

6. That's so beautiful.

Holding you in my heart.

[MIButterfly]

14. Thank you, lapucelle

[irisblue]

7. My vets sent me cards after everyone of my beloveds left. I am so glad yours did too

[MIButterfly]

15. Thank you, irisblue

When my previous cat, Boots, passed away, my previous vet's office didn't send me a sympathy card. Five months later, however, they did send me a reminder postcard that it was time for her shots.

I wss so upset I couldn't see straight. I wrote them a letter because I was afraid if I called them, I'd start screaming at them.

[Skittles]

8. this was on a card I received from my vet

it has always stayed with me:

Grieve not
nor speak of me with tears
but laugh and talk of me
as if I were beside you
I loved you so
’twas Heaven here with you

- Isla Paschal Richardson

[MIButterfly]

17. Thank you, Skittles

[BidenRocks]

9. Was this Banfield?

My Shitz died after a lengthy illness.
I also received a condolence card which was very nice.
Sorry for your loss.

[MIButterfly]

18. Thank you, BidenRocks

No, this is an independent vet's office. I've been talking Holly and Martini there practically since they opened in January, 2012.

I'm very sorry for your loss of your precious dog.

[NNadir]

10. My vets did the same when we had to put our cat valentine down.

We were very moved.

[MIButterfly]

21. I was moved too; the card made me cry

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Valentine.

[3catwoman3]

25. NNadir, in the many posts of yours that I have read...

…I have come to know you to be a compassionate and tender-hearted person. Knowing that, I thought you might find value in some alternative terminology for the always difficult decision to say farewell to a beloved pet.

In our family, we have chosen to call this “liberating the spirit.” It was my idea. Being a word nerd, and picky about accuracy, I was never comfortable with ‘put to sleep’ - how we wish they were only sleeping. ‘Euthanize’ is accurate, but feels very cold and impersonal, and ‘put down’ calls to mind bullying behaviors.

Liberating the spirit, at least for me, sounds soft and compassionate, and makes that difficult decision infinitesimally less wrenching.

[NNadir]

32. Thank you for your advice and kind words.

I suppose the term "put down" as a metaphor for death refers to the practice of burial of the dead.

It's funny, for many years I failed to understand the ritual of graves, but when Valentine's life was over, the vet offered us cremation, but we chose to bring "her home" and bury her in our yard. "She" has a grave, one with an ummarked stone over it.

Of course, I do not think that Valentine's body was or is in fact Valentine.

I wrote about my confusion about death rites, with particular reference to the remains, the bodies of the once living over in the atheist forum:

As an atheist, how do you feel about dead people, specifically, bluntly, dead bodies, including, ultimately, your own?

My view is that the only place Valentine lives, and for that matter my mother lives, or my father lives is in my memory. I offered my sons this view as they may face the "problem" of my mortal remains, as my wife and I faced the problem of Valentine's mortal remains.

I have a problem with the word "spirit," to be honest, although in my speech at my mother-in-law's funeral, as most of the audience consisted of religious people, I translated a phrase from Hesse's prologue to Demian using that word, "spirit."

In jedem ist der Geist Gestalt geworden, in jedem leidet die Kreatur, in jedem wird ein Erlöser gekreuzigt.

...as...

In each a form of the spirit is molded, in each the creator sufferers, in each is a redeemer who is crucified.

(This is a deliberately inaccurate translation, particularly with respect to the word "Kreatur," which literally doesn't translate as I did; but it fit in with the Trinitarian beliefs of the family, so I felt justified to do it that way, saying, "...taking small liberties with the translation from the German to get at what I think it means..." I'm glad I did it that way.)

Another euphemism, "...passed on" also has religious ramifications.

I suppose I could use the Shakespearean "shuffled off this mortal coil..." which also has "spiritual" implications "For who knows what dreams might come..."

My own life is winding down, and I think about death quite a bit, and have come to the conclusion that in some ways it is a wonderful thing, since it makes life itself all that more precious. To be honest, I don't want to be "put down" in the sense of having a grave. That seems like a terrible waste of perfectly usable human tissue.

I have no religion. To me it is enough that life, whatever comes of it, is ineffable and unknowable, which is, I think, wonderful.

I was looking in Valentine's eyes, locked in with hers, stroking her head as she died. I remember that sadness and that beauty.

I did weep.

They say one dies twice, once when one's heart stops beating and again when there is no longer anyone who can say your name."

She was a wonderful cat; with whom I often joked - not that she knew what a joke was - and I suppose a just phrase would simply be the word "died."

She's still alive, such as it is, in my memory, much the same as my father, my mother, and many others...

Thanks again for your comment and kind words.

[yardwork]

11. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[MIButterfly]

19. Thank you, yardwork

I like your screen name. Can you come over and work on my yard (actually it's a patio)?

[Gaytano70]

12. So sorry.

[MIButterfly]

20. Thank you, Gaytano70

[Trueblue Texan]

16. I'm so sorry I didn't offer my condolences back when you posted it in the pets forum.

It didn’t come across my feed but it was on the trending today. I’m so sorry about your baby. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my baby boy Emo on May 1st. I don’t allow myself to cry anymore because Ive gotten stuck there too many times, but God do I know all those triggers. The card from the vets office was too personal not to break down. Big hugs to you, MiButterfly, from someone who knows your pain.

[MIButterfly]

23. Thank you, Trueblue Texan

I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious Emo.



The slightest thing will make me cry. Having Martini and having to take care of her helps. It was so quick; it just came out of left field. It seems like one day she was normal and healthy and the next day she wasn't. I wasn't prepared at all.

[Trueblue Texan]

28. I think it's even worse when it's sudden.

I had most of a year to prepare for Emo's passing and though it was horribly painful, I at least felt some peace about it and knew I did the right thing in helping him pass over the Rainbow Bridge. But when it's sudden...God, what do you do? I wish I could make it easier, but only time can do that, dear MIButterfly. My heart goes out to you.

[Billsdaughter]

22. It always hurts so much when we have

to say goodbye to a furry best friend. I have always felt that our grief is measured equally to the joy they brought us every day of their life. Tough days ahead to be sure.

I'm sorry you are hurting. Grief is a process and when you are ready I hope you meet a new furry best friend.

[MIButterfly]

24. Thank you, Billsdaughter

I have Holly's sister, Martini. They weren't littermates but they were in the same enclosure at Petsmart. Holly was 10 months old and Martini was five months old when I adopted them. Holly turned 15 in February and Martini turned 15 on the 4th of July.

[SheltieLover]

26. ...

[MIButterfly]

27. Thank you, SheltieLover

[ms liberty]

29. Our previous vet always did that. When he put down our GSD

Our first baby, he filled all 3 sides of the sympathy card. He had seen him since he was 8 weeks old. He's a great vet, but he moved his practice. The vet who bought the practice is great too.

[Diamond_Dog]

30. I'm so sorry, MIButterfly.

It’s like a piece of your heart is gone that you’ll never have back. I know the pain and I feel for you.

Our vet sent a sympathy card when we lost two of our dogs in years past, it helps to know they care.

[MIButterfly]

31. Thank you, Diamond-Dog