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spooky3

(38,679 posts)

18. Borowitz: DJT gives himself a 2 week deadline to come up with a new distraction

Tue Apr 7, 2026, 11:03 PM

Tuesday

“ WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an eleventh-hour announcement on Tuesday night, Donald J. Trump gave himself a two-week deadline to come up with a new distraction from the Epstein files.

“Threatening to annihilate a nation of 90 million people worked for about a day, but now I need to come up with something else,” Trump said in a Truth Social post.

Immediately after his announcement, Trump summoned his entire Cabinet to the Situation Room to brainstorm ideas before the two-week window expires.

Distractions reportedly being considered include naming Kid Rock Attorney General, replacing Lincoln’s head on the Lincoln Memorial with his own, and putting Hannibal Lecter’s face on the dollar bill.”

(From TBR Substack email)

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Submariner NJCher LeftInTX malaise

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So is his new name "two weeks" or [View all] malaise Tuesday OP

That was great! spooky3 Tuesday #1

I was literally laughing out loud malaise Tuesday #2

Nailed it! Generic Other Tuesday #3

TWTACO malaise Tuesday #4

Does tRump play poker? If he does, he must really suck at it BigmanPigman Tuesday #5

That's the truth malaise Tuesday #7

It's a major award. yellow dahlia Tuesday #15

That, right there..... SergeStorms Yesterday #24

But it's not Italian BigmanPigman Yesterday #26

Let us not forget, he actually owned and bankrupted a few casinos. Intractable Tuesday #19

Time spans of note: displacedvermoter Tuesday #6

Nicely played malaise Tuesday #8

The Friedman was always my favorite! displacedvermoter Tuesday #11

There is debate about the absolute value of a Scaramucci. Some say it is 11 days. Intractable Tuesday #20

Was formulating in my mind... oldsoldierfadingfast Tuesday #9

Thank Jen malaise Tuesday #10

In two weeks... WestMichRad Tuesday #12

From 2020 - Trump's Health Care Plan Has Been 'Two Weeks Away' For Months cliffside Tuesday #13

For a while, he was called Donnie Two Scoops. 3catwoman3 Tuesday #14

Love it malaise Tuesday #16

Lawrence is very good at doing that... 3catwoman3 Tuesday #22

Probably media influenced... Wounded Bear Tuesday #17

Borowitz: DJT gives himself a 2 week deadline to come up with a new distraction spooky3 Tuesday #18

Love it malaise Yesterday #31

TACOTWIT moondust Tuesday #21

Watch Jimmy Kimmel on YT BidenRocks Yesterday #23

Thanks malaise Yesterday #33

The details of Melania's immigration/naturalization were supposed to be out in 2 weeks during the first admin. fierywoman Yesterday #25

Donny Fortnight JoseBalow Yesterday #27

Outstanding! displacedvermoter Yesterday #29

How is "two weeks" his 'new name'? I thought that was Jack Valentino Yesterday #28

Tweeker Fichefinder Yesterday #30

Comprehensive plans for infrastructure & health care are also just two weeks away! Martin Eden Yesterday #32