I just amused myself with a scam phone caller.

[LuckyCharms]

It's a beautiful day here. I'm sitting here at my desk doing a 2 hour long task of paying bills, and then I'm going to go outside and do some yardwork in the heat and get a good sweat going to sweat all of the meanness out of me (that's just a saying we have around here).

So, the landline rings. I could tell by the phone number it was a scam call. If I'm at my desk, I always answer them, and fuck with them on speaker phone while continuing to do my work.

Here's how it went:

Hello, is this Mr. LuckyChar...

YES! YES IT IS! WHO'S THIS?

Sir my name is...

NICE TO MEET YOU MY FRIEND! HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

I'm good sir thank you, the reason I'm calling is...

IS IT A NICE DAY WHERE YOU ARE? WHY DON'T YOU GO OUTSIDE AND ENJOY THE WEATHER?

Sir, the reason...

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD GO OUTSIDE!! IT'S A SATURDAY, AND YOU'RE STUCK IN SOME SKANKY BOILER ROOM WITH A BUNCH OF IDIOTS WHO HAVE NOTHING GOING FOR THEMSELVES, AM I RIGHT?

Sir...

IF YOU WERE HERE MY FRIEND, I'D TAKE YOU OUT TO LUNCH! THERE'S A NICE BAR UP THE STREET AND WE COULD SIT ON THE DECK! I'D BUY YOU A BEER! YOU KNOW, THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN MONEY! I BET YOU HAVE TO MAKE ABOUT 1,000 PHONE CALLS TO EARN $10!! C'MON PAL...GET OUT OF THERE AND COME AND VISIT ME, I'LL BUY YOU LUNCH...SERIOUSLY!

Sir, I...

WHAT SIZE SHOE DO YOU WEAR? I HAVE SOME OLD SHOES THAT ARE STILL GOOD, BUT I DON'T WEAR THEM ANYMORE! I'M A SIZE 11! WOULD THEY FIT YOU? I COULD GIVE YOU SOME SHOES AFTER WE WENT TO LUNCH AND...

*click*