She got power of attorney and was already the Executor and Successor Trustee for their trusts. But when my Dad got so he was not paying bills or taking care of necessary paperwork, she had to take over.
Rather than take it completely out of Dad's hands, she would go through the bills, write the checks, then have him sign them. After Dad died, she did the same for Mom.
At one point my little sister and her oldest daughter tried to get money out of Mom and Dad - my sister simply took their checkbook with her when she left the house. Since by then we had caretakers in the house for Mom and Dad, this was a safety for that part, too. There were reports from the caretakers of screaming and yelling by the little sister and her daughter (both have/had mental problems) to the point my older sister gave the caretakers permission to ask them to leave or to call the cops if they would not.
My older sister has been in charge of affairs for my parents ( various companies, trusts, and stuff) for nearly forty years. We're still waiting for my parents' trusts to be dispersed and then she will take a very needed break. But every step along the way it has been hard on her and she is fed up with the family members who made things difficult and take far longer than it should have.
In some ways it was easier to be the child who "left the family" by moving away and not visiting as often. And to be the child who did not follow the path my parents wanted and going my own way. That meant that I didn't end up with all the responsibility for all this stuff. Since my Dad died, I decided my goal was to make my older sister's job easier and to not rock the boat. Often all I was able to do was to let her vent to me.
Are both and your sister trustees or executors? Do either of you have Power of Attorney from your parents - if so can one for your sister be rescinded? Do your parents have Health Care Directives? Who is designated their Health Care Surrogate? Have they made choices for their final arrangements?
I hope you have someone you can vent to when things get tough - because they probably will. Good luck!
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